ptsd Please Help Me Get My Dh Started With His Claim

[hedgey]

My poor DH. He's in a tail-spin, and I want to grab hold of him but it's scary.

I've said before, he wants to file a claim for PTSD. He needs to file a claim. He should file a claim. His VA therapist is urging him to do it, because he thinks it might help a bit. He has the PTSD dx from his VA psychiatrist, and his therapist has another VA psychiatrist on deck to start seeing him soon (old psychiatrist p'o'd DH, DH kinda scared him, guess it was good in the end). VA therapist has said that new psychiatrist will certainly connect the PTSD to his in-service trauma.

Got SMR's, got C-file. From my skimming through the SMRs, an un-trained sloth could connect the dots.

So what's the problem? DH is stuck. The SMR's are there, the forms are there, all he needs to do is look through the SMR's with me to make sure we get the dates & places right, and then I will help him write his claim. But he's stuck. Everytime we're supposed to do it, something comes up. He has to cut the grass. Take a shower. Fix the weed-whacker. Watch TV.

I understand. Believe me, I understand that he's stuck and that he's afraid to look back and read those records. I sure as shoe-polish was terrified, and my hand wouldn't move to open the packet. But I got torqued, angry, piqued. He helped me so much, sat next to me and held me, etc.

But when he gets fidgety, then angry, get out of the way or get stomped. I know he can't help this, but what can I do? I won't lie, the idea of going through his records, c-file, writing up a claim, is overwhelming to me, too. I feel suffocated when I think about it. I take a lorazepam and then it doesn't seem so urgent anymore.

He's not been prescribed a good calmer yet. Old psychiatrist prescribed one that made him feel dopey and out of control. Psych refused to change med, so DH won't see old psych and won't take med. See my other post about the Dr.

But any suggestions on how to help DH get going with this? Thanks to all...

[Pete53]

It is very hard to work with family. I tried with my brother and it was hell. If you could find a good SO that may help. I have a feeling that your hubby may not want to share some of the reasons for his PTSD.

Good Luck and thank you for helping Veterans

[evandc]

It's often less trouble to help total stranger than to help relative or close friends. Wish I had the answer, but just want to wish you good luck & also suggest that getting other help could be the key.

Don

[john999]

Maybe if there is a vet lawyer in your town he would listen to him. If the lawyer knows he will have him as a client down the road he might help file the claim for your DH. Filing claims for others is really hard if they are resisting. I tried to get a friend to file for an increase for years. He never did and now it is too late. Sort of like trying to get my wife to go for dental appointments or the dreaded colonoscopy. If you can go just one small step at a time it helps.

[Tbird]

This is what I had to do for myself, break things down, I would lay out one thing I needed to do that day, usually kept it to 15 minutes. So far 15 minutes I would fill out a form or read what I needed to. This was helpful, but there were many times that I would charge around the house like an enraged bull, or hide like a hurt puppy. Getting through the claims process was one of the most miserable experiences I have ever had and also the smartest thing I did to take care of myself.

If you have a Vet Center near by see if you can get him in to talk with one of their counselors the Vet Centers have helped many veterans.

[usmcgirl]

I agree with Tbird. It was the most scariest thing I had to do for myself. It took me a really long time to sit down and write out all the forms and go back and remember what i didn't want to remember. I had to call on people that were there during that time to help me because details were hazy and details are important. so people wrote statements for me. I took my meds and it took me 8 hours to sit down and complete just the letter of support alone. as far as the therapist go...keep looking at the VA until you find one that you feel comfortable with. they have contracted out to more so you may have some choice in the matter. but as far as the paper work goes take your time with it and do it at your own pace when you feel comfortable. don't stress yourself out over it. it only makes it worse if you do. I am fortunate enough to have a service dog that layed in my lap and snorted at me as i was getting to anxious. then i knew it was time to get up and take a break from it, then start again when i calmed down or the meds kicked in. but i had to do it for myself. at least they have you there to help them. together you will make it through!

[hedgey]

Thanks for the help/replies. T-bird, I think having him "only do this for xx minutes, okay?" might be a good method. There's a lot of the basic form filling that can be done by me, even on the computer. Looking through the files and writing up the statements is where he gets stressed and goes into flight mode. I've looked at some of his SMR's and I understand.

It seems that before we call anyone for help, we need to know what we have to work with. Proving the stressor happened is easy, it's right in his SMR's, black & white. Connecting it to his present state, that might be more murky, but his therapist & the VA psychiatrist wrote in his notes that his PTSD is from his accident in service.

Showing how it affects his present life? Spend 10 minutes with him... seriously.

But that will be hard for me, too. To write down as his wife what living with him is like, and frankly it's not always easy (but he puts up with me, and I thank God every day for him sticking by me).

The therapist he has is super supportive. He talked to him about this on Friday and the therapist told him it was perfectly normal to feel this way when PTSD is the monster you're wrestling. He says many vets get stuck staring at the SMR or C-file folder, and put it off for ages or even altogether.

We'll get through this.

Thank you all for your support. I wish I could paste a piece of what I feel right here, it's a warm grateful feeling and it would be cool if I could share it better than with just words.