Unclear Memory Of A Stressor Event

[Brew]

I have multiple stressors, but am attempting to list all stressors in my claim file to be complete and because the most difficult non MST stressor I experienced is one that haunts me frequently. But this one is so difficult to remember the details for. I have what I think are emotional memories and some that may be actual memories but I've convinced myself it didn't happen "that way". It's a bizarre and unsettling feeling, to know that you were there and not know if what you recall actually happened or what you did. And I haven't been able to locate anyone from my unit that could help me piece it together more accurately. maybe at some point in my healing I will get that opportunity. Other events are not vague and weird, but this one is.

So - curious what the advice is out there - should I keep the description very general and say I have difficulty remembering the details accurately and then deal with it in therapy only? or should I include what I replay in my head over and over even though I don't trust the details and then say that I don't trust my memory? My emotions from the event and the struggles I have currently are real - replaying, guilt, anger, nightmares. But I just don't trust my memory because I think I blacked out mentally during the event, my adrenaline was so high.

[Brew]

maset22 and others - thanks for the comments and kindness. I sucked it up and started writing and I finally turned the whole packet in. I think ultimately, what I want out of this is an aknowledgement - "yep, we broke you, and here is a tiny little safety net in case some day your sheer willpower fails to keep you functioning in the real world".

But the other and most important result I want is to be better. It took me some time to come to this - once the disability process started, I started feeling entitled - kind of an odd feeling for me, but it goes back to wanting acknowledgement and fear of the future I suppose. Maybe there are real fears there, but ultimately, if I can go back to work, look people in the face, not be so angry at those who I believe "don't understand" and not hit the ground because a stupid car back fires a block away, then I win. If the VA pays for the attempt to get me back to that point - which they are already doing, then I win again.

[carlie]

I found it much easier to submit one of the following:

STATEMENT IN SUPPORT OF CLAIM FOR SERVICE CONNECTION

FOR POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD)

http://www.vba.va.gov/pubs/forms/VBA-21-0781-ARE.PDF

OR

STATEMENT IN SUPPORT OF CLAIM FOR SERVICE CONNECTION

FOR POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD)

SECONDARY TO PERSONAL ASSAULT

http://www.vba.va.gov/pubs/forms/VBA-21-0781a-ARE.pdf

Someone else posted about pick the strongest most easily verified stressor and go

with that one. I agree, that way the water doesn't get as muddy.

JMHO