ptsd New Beginning Registering For Va Mental Health Ptsd Mdd Psychotic Features

[82airborne]

Well today I called the Va to start mental health treatment. I was informed that I needed to register with patient services. So either today or tomorrow I will go to the mental health clinic to begin treatment. So after I go down there and see if I can be seen and helped I will update the results. Prozac seems to only help me be more social. It does nothing for my violent side. So I plan to stay in treatment until I get this mental situation under control.

[82airborne]

Well I can't lie I went to my non combat PTSD meeting. Everybody and I mean everybody seems like they are fake. Like one big game. Everybody laughing talking just seem like its a big talkfest. I don't understand I am truly in a fog. Everybody seems suspect to me. When I say the people seem fake I mean they seem like they all va employees. I might be paranoid I don't know. I will still keep going the full 16 weeks. I owe myself to get all the help I can receive. At night when I wake up I'm hallucinating more and more in the dark. I finally meet my primary care physician slash mental health doctor August 1. All I really want to do is get away from the city. EVERYTIME I go out I just about try to fight people. It's like the ultimate thrill. To tell y'all the truth only reason I haven't fought nobody is because everybody backs down from me. Then I realize that I was tripping. Sometimes I believe I am in a coma and all this is one big bad dream. I crave pain almost everyday. Only way I stay peaceful if I lock myself in my room day after day. At least in country areas I can walk the country roads without coming into contact with anybody. I swear I want my life to change I do not want to stay violent in nature. When I close my eyes all I see is horrific things that I do not want to see. I feel disconnected from everybody. The only benefit I have while taking this prozac it appears to make me way nicer to my family. The prazosin I'm still having weird dreams not so much in the violent nature. So the prazosin have changed my homicidal dreams that I had every night. Night after night I was at war in my dreams. So at this point I limit myself to only going to my doctors appointments. Well this is where I'm at right now. I'm hoping treatment will start taking away these desires I have so I can start rejoining society in a more social productive way.

[82airborne]

Well my claim is in preparation for notification. A lady from the va called me for my dependent information she also told me my deferred PTSD claim has been granted. So maybe my fight is over. If all goes well. I will move to a much quieter part of town. I want to get away from all these crowds of people. Move away from my old neighborhood so it's hard for me to go back over there. What I have learned is to escape violence and violent thoughts. I have to avoid things that anger me and cause me anxiety. So truthly I think I will be pretty much isolated from the world pretty much. I'm still going to PTSD support group and go to counseling at kaiser and the va. I still have hallucinations see flashing lights at times and in my sleep my gal say in my sleep I shake violently in my sleep. Also my hands shake bad everyday. OOOH well that's where I'm at now

[#1Cavtrooper]

It won't be long now... I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[82airborne]

It won't be long now... I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

THANX

[82airborne]

Well I looked at ebenefits I am now 90%. I am thankful its been a long painful road just to get where I'm at. Hopes everything works out from here!

[82airborne]

Hello world it's me. Where do I start. I will begin with saying I'm dizzy numb and feeling extra violent all at the same time. I am at home. I will not leave when I'm feeling this way. To be honest I want to take a ride and beat up some of my old friends that I know don't like me. I crave pain like a crack attic crave crack. My hands are jittery. But I know that I have to keep myself inside the house until whatever mental issues I'm having get fixed. Right now my bloody head is ringing like a emergency broadcast. I do not know how I got this bad. In the dark I'm seeing things. It's getting so bad I don't know what's real and what's fake. I'm seeing things walk by out the corner of my eyes every day. I feel like a madman. But the only thing that keep me in check is not wanting to go to jail. Only place I go to is PTSD group counseling and doctor and psych visits. I had a appointment at the va psych clinic. As the room reeled up my thoughts was getting violent and violent until I had to reschedule my appointment I couldn't take it. It was like I was going to turn into a vampire. They way it looks now is if I don't get better mentally I will be forced into a life of isolation. Only being around a few selected friends and some family. I'm just confused it feels like I'm slipping deeper in the abyss. OOOOH well I will remain locked in the house for now. I just pray that GOD heals me of this madness that has toke over me.