ptsd Someone Please Help Calm Me Down!

[TANKERJOE0]

HI,EVERYONE I JUST WANTED TO START BY THANKING YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO RESPOND TO MY DIFFERENT POSTS ON HERE.IT HAS BEEN VERY HELPFUL.I AM OBSESSING ABOUT THE UPCOMING C&P EXAMS.I SEE THAT SOME OF YOU YOU ARE LIVING IN FLORIDA.DID YOU GO THROUGH THE CLAIMS PROCESS HERE IN FLORIDA?IF SO HOW HAVE THE C&P EXAMS BEEN AND THE REGIONAL OFFICE IN ST PETE HOW ARE THEY TO DEAL WITH??I HAVE NOTICED SOME SAY SOME STATES ARE WORSE THEN OTHERS AS FAR AS APPROVING OR DENYING CLAIMS AND LOW BALLING THEM.IN YOUR OPINOIN HOW WOULD YOU RATE FLORIDA,ST PETE???.I SERVED IN THE USMC AS A TANK CREWMAN IN THE FIRST GULF WAR.MY TANK HIT A MINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MINEFIELD AND BLEW OFF THE LEFT SIDE OF THE TANK.I WASNT SURE WETHER WE HAD BEEN SHOT BY SOMETHING OR WHAT HAPPENED.I WASNT SURE IF THE CREW UP IN THE TURRET WERE STILL ALIVE OR NOT.I WAS IMMEDIATELY IN SHOCK.I FELT AS IF I WAS IN A DAZE I GUESS A FOG OF WAR.I YELLED BACK TO THEM AND WAS RELIEVED THEY WERE ALL ALRIGHT.THE TANK SHUT OFF.SO I RESTARTED THE TANK AND TRIED TO GET OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE MINEFIELD BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT MINEFIELDS ARE PREPLOTTED TARGETS FOR ARTILLERY.THE TANK ONLY VEERED TO THE ONE SIDE SENDING US INTO THE UNCLEARED PART OF THE MINEFIELD SO WE STOPPED.THE COMPANY COMMANDER CAME OVER THE RADIOS AND SAID TO LEAVE US THERE AND CONTINUE ON WITH THE MISSION.WHICH STRUCK INSTANT FEAR IN ME TO SAY THE LEAST.THANKS TO THE DISOBEDIANCE OF A FELLOW TANK CREW.THEY CAREFULLY BACKED IN OUR TRACKS INTO THE MINE FIELD TO RESCUE US AS THE TANK WAS RENDERED USELESS.WE HAD TO ABANDON THE TANK.IN THE STATE OF SHOCK I WAS IN I OPENED THE DRIVERS HATCH AND CLIMBED OUT OF THE TANK.NOT THINKING I JUMPED OFF THE SIDE OF THE TANK DIRECTLY INTO THE MINEFIELD TO RUN TO THE OTHER TANK.I THINK, THANKS BE TO GOD I DIDNT LAND ON ANOTHER MINE OR I WOULDNT BE HERE TO FILE ANY CLAIM.ONE OF MY FELLOW MARINES SCREAMED HARVEY WTF ARE YOU DOING?? INSTANTLY THANK GOD I SNAPPED OUT OF IT AND CLIMBED BACK ON THE TANK AND CROSSED OVER FROM ONE TANK TO THE OTHER.WHEN THEY PICKED US UP THEY GOT OUT OF THE MINEFIELD AND LEFT US ON FOOT.WE WERE THE ONLY TROOPS ON FOOT AT THAT TIME AS THE SPEARHEAD OF THE ATTACK WAS ALL ARMORED INFANTRY TANKS AND SUCH.MEAN WHILE ARTILLERY AND MORTARS WERE BEING FIRED ALL AROUND US.TANKS WERE SHOOTING OVER OUR HEADS.I COULDNT TELL WHO WAS SHOOTING WHAT AND FROM WHERE AND DIDNT KNOW IF AT ANY SECOND SOMETHING WAS GONNA HIT ME.I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM SEVERE ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION AND SOCIAL DISORDERS SINCE.AFTER BEING DISCHARGED I STARTED TO SEE MY FAMILY DRS FOR MY SYMPTOMS AND ALL THEY WOULD DO WAS GIVE ME DIFFERENT KINDS OF ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION MEDS.THEY WORKED FROM TIME TO TIME BUT THE THOUGHTS NEVER LEAVE MY MIND.I WAS ALSO IN CONTACT WITH DEAD IRAQI SOLDIERS AND HANDLING THEM.THE SMELL OF DEATH IS UNDESCRIBABLE.I HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING TO MY FAMILY DRS FOR YEARS ABOUT A CHRONIC EXTREME PAIN IN MY LOWER EXTREMITIES FROM MY ELBOWS TO MY FINGER TIPS AND FROM MY KNEES TO MY TOE NAILS.ALL DAY EVERY DAY NEVER BETTER.THE PAIN IS UNBARABLE MOST OF THE TIME.I HAVE EXTREME SHORT AND LONG TERM MEMORY PROBLEMS.WELL TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT.I HAD A VERY BAD ANXIETY ATTACK AT WORK AND LEFT IN A DAZE AND WAS CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.BUT I COULDN COME TO DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE MY WIFE AND KIDS TOO MUCH.I WAS SEEN THE NEXT DAY BY THE VA MENTAL HEALTH AND WAS INSTANTLY DIAGNOSED WITH PTSD WITH A GAF OF 50.I HAVE TURNED OVER ALL MEDICAL CARE TO THE VA.THEY ARE PRESCRIBING ALL MY MEDS AND SENDING ME TO ALL KINDS OF SPECIALIST AND TESTING AND PHSYC.VISITS.AT THE SAME TIME I DECIDED TO FILE A CLAIM FOR DISABILTY.I AM SOOO MAD I WAITED 17 YRS TO DO IT.BUT I HAVE A PAPER TRAIL OF MEDICAL NOTES FROM NUMEROUS FAM DRS FROM WAY BACK.I AM GETTING WORSE AND WORSE WITH MY SOCIAL DISORDERS.I WONT TAKE THE TRASH OUT IF ANYONE IS OUTSIDE,I PEEK OUT THE GARAGE FIRST.I HAVE LOST ALL INTEREST IN EVERYTHING IN LIFE.I DEFINETLY FEEL AS IF MY LIFE WILL BE CUT SHORT DUE TO MY ILLNESSES.I HAVE A BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL OF MY FAMILY. HAVE PUSHED ANY FRIENDS AWAY I MAY HAVE HAD.AND REALLY WOULD PREFER TO HIBERNATE IN MY BEDROOM ALL DAY AND NEVER LEAVE.I AM ONLY 38 YRS OLD BUT FEEL ABOUT 98.I HAVENT HAD SEX WITH MY WIFE FOR 4YRS NOW.VERY EMBARRASING AND SAD FOR HER.I HAVE CONSTANT ANGRY OUTBURSTS.CANT GET ALONG WITH COWORKERS AND MY BOSS(STEP FATHER) OR THE CUSTOMERS FOR THAT MATTER.I HAVE WALKED OFF ALOT OF JOBS AND REFUSED TO DO THEM.I MISS ALOT OF WORK.I AM CONSTANTLY TIRED AND FATIGUED.IF I GOT 20 HOURS SLEEP I WILL WAKE UP AND FEEL TIRED AND HAVE TO TAKE NAPS.I AM A MOVER BY PROFESSION FOR THE LAST 17 YRS.I HAVE GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I CANT DO THE PHSYICAL LABOR.I HAVE TO BRING EXTRA MEN TO HELP BECAUSE I CANT LIFT ANYMORE.I DO THE PAPER WORK PART.I HAVE INTERMITTEN FLASH BACKS OF THE TANK BLOWING UP OCASSIONALY AT NIGHT.I LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF HIGH ALERT.IM EXTREMLY PARANOID THAT SOMEONE IS GONNA COME IN MY HOME AND HARM MY FAMILY.I OBCESSIVELY EVERY NIGHT CHECK EVERY WINDOW AND DOOR IN THE HOUSE TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE LOCKED AND GO BACK OVER AND OVER TILL I FINALLY STOP MYSELF.I FEEL AS IF IM LOOSING MY MIND.MY MIND IS ALWAYS RACING FROM ONE THOUGHT TO THE NEXT AND THEN THE NEXT AND ON AND ON.I GET MYSELF SO STRESSED OUT I FEEL AS IF IM HYPERVENTILATING,SHORTNESS OF BREATH AND GET DIZZY.I AM WONDERING IF IT SOUNDS LIKE I HAVE A CASE FOR MY PTSD?? I TRULY AM HOPING FOR 100% BUT DONT KNOW IF THAT IS REASONABLE TO EXPECT THE FIRST GO ROUND????ANY KIND WORDS OR REASSURANCE ABOUT THE C& P EXAMS WOULD MEAN SOOO MUCH TO ME.IAM NERVOUS NOT BECAUSE IM LIEING ABOUT ANYTHING.I JUST DONT LIKE THE WAY THEY(VA) MAKE ME FEEL.I FEEL LIKE IM GOING UP ON A MURDER TRIAL AND IM GOING IN FOR AN INTERROGATION???IT HAS ME SOOO WORKED UP THAT I WQAS THROWING UP THIS MORNING AND COULDNT GO TO WORK AGAIN.THANK GOD MY BOSS IS MY STEP FATHER OR I WOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED LONG AGO.BUT EVEN HE IS GETTING SICK AND FRUSTRATED WITH ME.HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND MY SICKNESS??WELL THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR ANYONE WHO RESPONDS.IM SORRY FOR GOING ON AND ON BUT THAT IS ONE OF MY PROBLEMS DEFINETLY CAUSED BY ME MILTARY SERVICE.IN THE MARINES THEY MAKE YOU DO EVERYTHING 10000000 TIMES THAT I THINK ITS MADE ME OBCESSIVE COMPULSIVE ABOUT EVERTHING WICH IS NO FUN EITHER.

TANKERJOE0

[MikeR]

Tanker Joe. Having full blown PTSD also, I read your comments and can relate. I am not a doctor, but your PTSD sounds pretty severe. We can empathize with the fact that people whom don't have PTSD do not seem to understand it. This board however is full of people with PTSD, and have found their advice to be a Godsend. Not having the best eyesight so when Wings altered your post it was easier to read. It would be tough to know where else to go for some comfort and reassurance as this board has very good smart folks whom ask good questions and provide guidance that have proven to be outstanding. Also with PTSD we tend to push away the very people we want help from, also we are reluctant to admit anything is wrong with us, especially if we have the full warrior ethos. When we put down the macho garbage and accepted our issues, we are able to improve our lives. This is especially important if one has a family, and children. Many who live with us have had to walk on eggshells. Think it over, and do some reading on the archived posts. As far as the C&P exam goes be honest about how you daily life is on your worst day, and take your wife if you can. She probably will be able to provide a more realistic picture of how it is to live with you.

Good luck.

Mike

[john999]

Tankerjoe has a CAR. Why does he need to verify his stressor? His statement of the stressful event should be accepted without him having to get buddy statements. Grunts with CIB don't need buddy statements or other such proofs of stressor.

[Berta]

Yes you are correct John--if he has the CAR, this should make VA concede stressor.

“The veteran is shown to have engaged in combat with the enemy

during service, inasmuch as he has been awarded the Combat

Action Badge for his service in Iraq. Accordingly any combat

stressors reported by the veteran are considered corroborated

for the purposes of establishing service connection for

PTSD. In this case, the veteran has reported stressful

experiences pertaining to enemy attacks on his unit in April

2005. These are all considered corroborated.”

From: http://www.va.gov/vetapp08/files3/0821563.txt

http://www.va.gov/vetapp08/files4/0833548.txt- Combat Action Ribbon-same criteria-proof of engagement with en and stressors.

But it can get more detailed than that-

"The type of evidence required to establish that the claimed

in-service stressors actually occurred depends on whether the

veteran "engaged in combat with the enemy." Section

1154( requires that the veteran have actually participated

in combat with the enemy, meaning participated in events

constituting an actual fight or encounter with a military foe

or hostile unit or instrumentality, and does not apply to

veterans who served in a general "combat area" or "combat

zone" but did not themselves engage in combat with the

enemy. See VAOPGCPREC 12-99 (October 18, 1999). The General

Counsel also indicated that the determination of whether a

veteran engaged in combat with the enemy necessarily must be

made on a case-by-case basis, and that absence from a

veteran's service records of any ordinary indicators of

combat service may, in appropriate cases, support a

reasonable inference that the veteran did not engage in

combat; such absence may properly be considered "negative

evidence" even though it does not affirmatively show that

the veteran did not engage in combat. “ Id.

http://www.va.gov/vetapp08/files1/0805441.txt

This decision questioned the veteran’s PTSD – although this vet had the CIB- still the negative and Affirmative evidence was found to be of equal weight (Relative Equipoise)

“ORDER

Service connection for post-traumatic stress disorder is

granted.”

Unless there is significant medical evidence that reveals the veteran’s PTSD stemmed from something other than combat experience,the receipt of CAR<CAB< or CIB should warrant the VA to concede stressors.

Edited December 30, 2008 by Berta

[Wings]

Yes you are correct John--if he has the CAR, this should make VA concede stressor.

Thanks Berta, This is good information for Joe. ~Wings

[rentalguy1]

That's true, John. I forgot that the Marines give that award. How much weight does it carry in a PTSD claim, though? The Army awards a "combat" patch, but it bears no weight on a claim. The CIB does, but the criteria states that you have to actually confront the enemy for the award. Is it the same for the Combat Action Ribbon?

[timetowinarace]

Tankerjoeo,

So that you know your not alone and that there is help here for you I'd like you to know that I am a GW1 Vet. I was Army but that does not matter here. What does matter is that I have all the symptoms you do. I know how you feel. However, I do not have PTSD and did not have the experience you did as a tanker. I am artillery.

If it was not for Hadit and all the members here, I would still be fighting the VA. It is my hope that you do not abandon Hadit. The claims advice here is second to none and I may be able help you understand better why you are having the difficulties you are experiencing. I do not have any pending claims with the VA. I have stayed with Hadit after I recieved my 100% P&T rating for the sole purpose of helping other vet/s with issues simular to mine. Please accept what help I can give as it is important to me that a fellow Veteran get's the answers and bennifits he/she deserves.

Reading your first post in this thread, I have a question. Have you been evaluated for a possible TBI(tramatic brain injury)? I ask because a land mine that could disable a Abrams is plenty strong enough to cause blast injury TBI. Your statements about the fog and confusion after the blast and many of your current symtoms are classic indicators of possible TBI and you would screen positive for possible TBI in todays screenings.

I see three possible health issues in your case. PTSD, Gulf War Illness, and MTBI. While your PTSD claim is being worked, we may want to pursue these other issues. If you would like help with these let me know and I'll do my best to get you good information.

I have had a rating for undiagnosed fatigue(GWS) and am currently rated for TBI. I had a diagnoses for PTSD at one time but I do not have a stressor. Many TBI and GWI symtoms are the same as PTSD.