ptsd Someone Please Help Calm Me Down!

[TANKERJOE0]

HI,EVERYONE I JUST WANTED TO START BY THANKING YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO RESPOND TO MY DIFFERENT POSTS ON HERE.IT HAS BEEN VERY HELPFUL.I AM OBSESSING ABOUT THE UPCOMING C&P EXAMS.I SEE THAT SOME OF YOU YOU ARE LIVING IN FLORIDA.DID YOU GO THROUGH THE CLAIMS PROCESS HERE IN FLORIDA?IF SO HOW HAVE THE C&P EXAMS BEEN AND THE REGIONAL OFFICE IN ST PETE HOW ARE THEY TO DEAL WITH??I HAVE NOTICED SOME SAY SOME STATES ARE WORSE THEN OTHERS AS FAR AS APPROVING OR DENYING CLAIMS AND LOW BALLING THEM.IN YOUR OPINOIN HOW WOULD YOU RATE FLORIDA,ST PETE???.I SERVED IN THE USMC AS A TANK CREWMAN IN THE FIRST GULF WAR.MY TANK HIT A MINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MINEFIELD AND BLEW OFF THE LEFT SIDE OF THE TANK.I WASNT SURE WETHER WE HAD BEEN SHOT BY SOMETHING OR WHAT HAPPENED.I WASNT SURE IF THE CREW UP IN THE TURRET WERE STILL ALIVE OR NOT.I WAS IMMEDIATELY IN SHOCK.I FELT AS IF I WAS IN A DAZE I GUESS A FOG OF WAR.I YELLED BACK TO THEM AND WAS RELIEVED THEY WERE ALL ALRIGHT.THE TANK SHUT OFF.SO I RESTARTED THE TANK AND TRIED TO GET OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE MINEFIELD BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT MINEFIELDS ARE PREPLOTTED TARGETS FOR ARTILLERY.THE TANK ONLY VEERED TO THE ONE SIDE SENDING US INTO THE UNCLEARED PART OF THE MINEFIELD SO WE STOPPED.THE COMPANY COMMANDER CAME OVER THE RADIOS AND SAID TO LEAVE US THERE AND CONTINUE ON WITH THE MISSION.WHICH STRUCK INSTANT FEAR IN ME TO SAY THE LEAST.THANKS TO THE DISOBEDIANCE OF A FELLOW TANK CREW.THEY CAREFULLY BACKED IN OUR TRACKS INTO THE MINE FIELD TO RESCUE US AS THE TANK WAS RENDERED USELESS.WE HAD TO ABANDON THE TANK.IN THE STATE OF SHOCK I WAS IN I OPENED THE DRIVERS HATCH AND CLIMBED OUT OF THE TANK.NOT THINKING I JUMPED OFF THE SIDE OF THE TANK DIRECTLY INTO THE MINEFIELD TO RUN TO THE OTHER TANK.I THINK, THANKS BE TO GOD I DIDNT LAND ON ANOTHER MINE OR I WOULDNT BE HERE TO FILE ANY CLAIM.ONE OF MY FELLOW MARINES SCREAMED HARVEY WTF ARE YOU DOING?? INSTANTLY THANK GOD I SNAPPED OUT OF IT AND CLIMBED BACK ON THE TANK AND CROSSED OVER FROM ONE TANK TO THE OTHER.WHEN THEY PICKED US UP THEY GOT OUT OF THE MINEFIELD AND LEFT US ON FOOT.WE WERE THE ONLY TROOPS ON FOOT AT THAT TIME AS THE SPEARHEAD OF THE ATTACK WAS ALL ARMORED INFANTRY TANKS AND SUCH.MEAN WHILE ARTILLERY AND MORTARS WERE BEING FIRED ALL AROUND US.TANKS WERE SHOOTING OVER OUR HEADS.I COULDNT TELL WHO WAS SHOOTING WHAT AND FROM WHERE AND DIDNT KNOW IF AT ANY SECOND SOMETHING WAS GONNA HIT ME.I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM SEVERE ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION AND SOCIAL DISORDERS SINCE.AFTER BEING DISCHARGED I STARTED TO SEE MY FAMILY DRS FOR MY SYMPTOMS AND ALL THEY WOULD DO WAS GIVE ME DIFFERENT KINDS OF ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION MEDS.THEY WORKED FROM TIME TO TIME BUT THE THOUGHTS NEVER LEAVE MY MIND.I WAS ALSO IN CONTACT WITH DEAD IRAQI SOLDIERS AND HANDLING THEM.THE SMELL OF DEATH IS UNDESCRIBABLE.I HAVE BEEN COMPLAINING TO MY FAMILY DRS FOR YEARS ABOUT A CHRONIC EXTREME PAIN IN MY LOWER EXTREMITIES FROM MY ELBOWS TO MY FINGER TIPS AND FROM MY KNEES TO MY TOE NAILS.ALL DAY EVERY DAY NEVER BETTER.THE PAIN IS UNBARABLE MOST OF THE TIME.I HAVE EXTREME SHORT AND LONG TERM MEMORY PROBLEMS.WELL TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT.I HAD A VERY BAD ANXIETY ATTACK AT WORK AND LEFT IN A DAZE AND WAS CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE.BUT I COULDN COME TO DO IT BECAUSE I LOVE MY WIFE AND KIDS TOO MUCH.I WAS SEEN THE NEXT DAY BY THE VA MENTAL HEALTH AND WAS INSTANTLY DIAGNOSED WITH PTSD WITH A GAF OF 50.I HAVE TURNED OVER ALL MEDICAL CARE TO THE VA.THEY ARE PRESCRIBING ALL MY MEDS AND SENDING ME TO ALL KINDS OF SPECIALIST AND TESTING AND PHSYC.VISITS.AT THE SAME TIME I DECIDED TO FILE A CLAIM FOR DISABILTY.I AM SOOO MAD I WAITED 17 YRS TO DO IT.BUT I HAVE A PAPER TRAIL OF MEDICAL NOTES FROM NUMEROUS FAM DRS FROM WAY BACK.I AM GETTING WORSE AND WORSE WITH MY SOCIAL DISORDERS.I WONT TAKE THE TRASH OUT IF ANYONE IS OUTSIDE,I PEEK OUT THE GARAGE FIRST.I HAVE LOST ALL INTEREST IN EVERYTHING IN LIFE.I DEFINETLY FEEL AS IF MY LIFE WILL BE CUT SHORT DUE TO MY ILLNESSES.I HAVE A BAD RELATIONSHIP WITH ALL OF MY FAMILY. HAVE PUSHED ANY FRIENDS AWAY I MAY HAVE HAD.AND REALLY WOULD PREFER TO HIBERNATE IN MY BEDROOM ALL DAY AND NEVER LEAVE.I AM ONLY 38 YRS OLD BUT FEEL ABOUT 98.I HAVENT HAD SEX WITH MY WIFE FOR 4YRS NOW.VERY EMBARRASING AND SAD FOR HER.I HAVE CONSTANT ANGRY OUTBURSTS.CANT GET ALONG WITH COWORKERS AND MY BOSS(STEP FATHER) OR THE CUSTOMERS FOR THAT MATTER.I HAVE WALKED OFF ALOT OF JOBS AND REFUSED TO DO THEM.I MISS ALOT OF WORK.I AM CONSTANTLY TIRED AND FATIGUED.IF I GOT 20 HOURS SLEEP I WILL WAKE UP AND FEEL TIRED AND HAVE TO TAKE NAPS.I AM A MOVER BY PROFESSION FOR THE LAST 17 YRS.I HAVE GOT TO THE POINT WHERE I CANT DO THE PHSYICAL LABOR.I HAVE TO BRING EXTRA MEN TO HELP BECAUSE I CANT LIFT ANYMORE.I DO THE PAPER WORK PART.I HAVE INTERMITTEN FLASH BACKS OF THE TANK BLOWING UP OCASSIONALY AT NIGHT.I LIVE IN A CONSTANT STATE OF HIGH ALERT.IM EXTREMLY PARANOID THAT SOMEONE IS GONNA COME IN MY HOME AND HARM MY FAMILY.I OBCESSIVELY EVERY NIGHT CHECK EVERY WINDOW AND DOOR IN THE HOUSE TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE LOCKED AND GO BACK OVER AND OVER TILL I FINALLY STOP MYSELF.I FEEL AS IF IM LOOSING MY MIND.MY MIND IS ALWAYS RACING FROM ONE THOUGHT TO THE NEXT AND THEN THE NEXT AND ON AND ON.I GET MYSELF SO STRESSED OUT I FEEL AS IF IM HYPERVENTILATING,SHORTNESS OF BREATH AND GET DIZZY.I AM WONDERING IF IT SOUNDS LIKE I HAVE A CASE FOR MY PTSD?? I TRULY AM HOPING FOR 100% BUT DONT KNOW IF THAT IS REASONABLE TO EXPECT THE FIRST GO ROUND????ANY KIND WORDS OR REASSURANCE ABOUT THE C& P EXAMS WOULD MEAN SOOO MUCH TO ME.IAM NERVOUS NOT BECAUSE IM LIEING ABOUT ANYTHING.I JUST DONT LIKE THE WAY THEY(VA) MAKE ME FEEL.I FEEL LIKE IM GOING UP ON A MURDER TRIAL AND IM GOING IN FOR AN INTERROGATION???IT HAS ME SOOO WORKED UP THAT I WQAS THROWING UP THIS MORNING AND COULDNT GO TO WORK AGAIN.THANK GOD MY BOSS IS MY STEP FATHER OR I WOULD HAVE BEEN FIRED LONG AGO.BUT EVEN HE IS GETTING SICK AND FRUSTRATED WITH ME.HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND MY SICKNESS??WELL THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR ANYONE WHO RESPONDS.IM SORRY FOR GOING ON AND ON BUT THAT IS ONE OF MY PROBLEMS DEFINETLY CAUSED BY ME MILTARY SERVICE.IN THE MARINES THEY MAKE YOU DO EVERYTHING 10000000 TIMES THAT I THINK ITS MADE ME OBCESSIVE COMPULSIVE ABOUT EVERTHING WICH IS NO FUN EITHER.

TANKERJOE0

[Pete53]

Tank:

Everything will be ok. Hadit has been around for a long time and just cause someone tells you something that annoys you is part of learning how to deal with the VA. Wings and Jbasser are actually some of the best friends of Veterans who need help with claims.

The main thing that we ask is that even if you get mad to not attack Hadit Members personally.

If you leave and change your mind later you still have a place at the table. From what I have seen you have gotten a big old group hug from Hadit and even by some you sort of flamed to boot.

So why not get back to working your claim and Hadit is not your enemy its the VARO.

Good Luck

PS Some old time internet types consider all CAPS as shouthing or yelling and take offense. It does not bother me but when a post is hard to read some people pass it and believe me you want as many as possible to read your posts cause that is how you get help that you can use.

[dwilli12]

Joe,

I too have been through C+P at the St Pete VAMC. While it wasn't fun, it did work out ok. You've managed to keep enough control over your emotions to function for years now, keep doing what works best. Things can (and will) only get better. Let us know how it went. Dare to have hope!

[john999]

I believe the CAR for Marines is same/same as a CIB for Army. Now the newest invention is a combat action badge which is different. That is for those without combat MOS who engage in or are engaged in combat. I don't know the fine print on this, but it was to address the fact that many in Iraq are exposed to enemy fire, but are not infantry. Like convoy drives who are exposed to suicide bombers and small arms fire. They are not grunts but they die just like grunts. In Vietnam if you did not have combat arms MOS you had to prove you were engaged in combat with the enemy either direct or indirect. If a rocket lands on your bunker and you survive then you have been engaged with the enemy. You have to hope you get a little wound in your ass so you can get a PH without getting badly hurt.

[rentalguy1]

I think the army had combat aircrew wings now, too. Just throwing that out there.

[Commander Bob]

No good deed goes unpunished. I admire you guys... Cmdr. Bob

Hang in there TANKERJOEO . Your upcoming C&P exams will be over soon enough, and then you will have that behind you. You explained your situation well here. I'm sure you will do well at the exam. Spend some time reading the other posts here. You'll learn a lot about what to expect. Knowledge is power. You will also get to know that those who were the first to respond to you will be your greatest source for relief and answers here on the good ship Hadit. Good luck

Edited December 31, 2008 by Commander Bob 92-93

[Stretch]

Sorry if I am a little late with this.

Discussion on 1154 ...General Counsil

Combat_Veteran_Sailors.pdf

1154

Combat_VA_prc12_99.doc

VA directive 2005...DETERMINING COMBAT VETERAN ELIGIBILITY...After Nov. 11, 1998

http://www.hadit.com/forums/index.php?act=...post&id=723