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Out In The World, Your Status Is Your Business, No One Elses!
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hedgey
I wrote a thread a while ago about Nosey Parkers and how non-vets (and many vets, too) react to Disabled Veterans and the benefits, etc., some of us receive.
I don't remember what made me write about it before, but this time it's because of something that happened this week.
My took me & my car over to Sears so I could get a tune-up, tires changed to summer tires (up north here!), etc. After the work was done and I was about to swipe my card, I asked the salesguy if there was a military discount (trying hard to get in the habit - a lot of places here offer them).
He said, oh, if only I'd asked at the beginning, because Sears has a whole separate fee chart for military customers, and I would have had to have the work done under this classification, nope, nothing he could do. Next time, let them know right away. He said usually they ask the customer if they're military because they look military. (I guess my chubby gray-haired self does not.)
So okay, my bad, I'll ask at the beginning next time. He said the whole store had the discount, so I'll keep it in mind. But he'd seen my MWR card, and asked "so you're a disabled veteran? What do you get for that, do you get paid for that?" I said it was like a military retirement and my kid was steering me out the door because she could tell I was getting stressed.
When DH was heading over to the VSO on Friday, I knew he'd be going back to work. I asked him NOT to discuss it with anyone except to let his boss know where he was going. Then yesterday, while we were spending the day in bed (talking, not rumpussing, we don't rumpus any more (blush!)) we talked about who we could/should tell.
I voted that he only tell his boss (so he can start thinking about retiring or whatever, but boss needs to know about his status & state of health) and the one other guy he knows is 100% ..... this same guy was the fellow that told DH he should be going to the VA for healthcare back in 2007. Nobody else needs to know.
Why be so stingey with good news? Because the others don't have a clue. Non-vets have no idea what we have traded for the compensation that we finally receive, after fighting tooth and nail, or being afraid to file for years, or not even knowing we had the option. No one else knows about the pain and suffering.
People will say (the woman at the farm store who was gossiping with another customer about a veteran who'd just left the store was saying she has so much pain in her shoulders she could cry, but she doesn't have any one to file a claim with.... must be nice...)
That's it.. that's the phrase. "Must be nice." Yeah well, it would have been a lot nicer to have come home in one piece, finished college and become a psychologist like I'd planned. It would've been nice if my DH had been able to move up and become a General like his cousin (no, really, Mikey just made General!)
Instead, we've suffered physical and emotional pain for 20, 30+ years. We will NEVER heal. Now old age is creeping into the picture and the future holds more pain than ever.
Anyway, NOBODY needs to know that you're a disabled vet except the person at the checkout when you're getting your discount. If they ask, tell them it's a kind of medical retirement deal. If you just have your VA health card (most places will give you the discount with just that) and they ask, tell them the same thing. If they ask how much money, tell them it's "Not as much as I would've been making if I hadn't got hurt!".
My DH will never be able to pick up his grandchildren (whenever they come along). I'll never be able to take them for walks or chase them around the yard. We aren't old, but our bodies have aged us and our minds and medications have us acting like dementia is our middle names.
Okay, this isn't a whine & sneeze party. It's about saving yourself some heartache and keeping your status to yourself. People gossip and your neighbors will think you're rich and living off 'free' money from the government - their tax money!! You might expect that your neighbors, etc, would think better of you, respect your sacrifice, but more likely they will feel envy.
I'm sorry if I have a dark view of people. I wish I could believe better things. I just know first hand that envy is powerful and alive and thriving in the hearts of those around us.
I also should tell you this. When I first got my 80% a year ago, my VA primary care person at the time wanted me to go to a special physical therapist for my feet, for more therapy than the VA would allow (hydro massage stuff). She wrote out the prescription on her personal pad and handed it to me. She said "the VA won't pay for this, but with your new rating, you can afford it." Uh..... okay. She doesn't work there anymore, so I don't know what happened. I didn't complain to anyone, but I think she might've been getting payola or whatever. It was weird.
I was upset, because yes, I got an increase, but she also knew that my private insurance wouldn't cover it either. She wanted me to go 3 times a week! Can you imagine what that would cost? Besides, that dang increase had come along just in time to stretch the months so they would meet, not in time for me to have money to burn!
Point of my rant is that nobody else knows your situation. People say "oh, they get money from the VA, they can afford XXX." Ever look at the expressions on the faces behind you in line when you're asking for your military discount?
I'm done now. Sorry for being fretful and paranoid.
Thanks for being a place to get things off my chest.
Let us be kind, one to another, for we are each of us together in our pain.
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