diabetes Disability Questions

[Ls6199]

Need advice on a couple of areas. I am SC at 20% for the last 18 years. My SC comes from leg issues in the service. I recently went to the VA Hospital because my knee gave out and I fell and thought I broke my arm when I fell. The arm was not broken but during that visit the set me up with a primary care provider. I am severely overweight and have been fighting severely depression issues for the last three to four years to the point I have thought about ending it. I went to talk to my primary care doctor(not connected to VA) he first tried anti depressants which made thing worse because I did not care about anything when I was on them. He then put me on Testosterone replacement therapy. The reason I agreed t be seen by the primary care people at the VA is because my other doctor was moving to a practice were I could not follow. I am not sure what happened because I have always buried my feeling and just dealt with it. During the interview she kept picking at me till I just cracked. I had a mini melt down at the VA. She sent me to Mental Health and had them immediately see me to make sure I wasn't a danger to myself and mostly others. My labs were so bad she had me bring my wife back the following week to talk to us both. I don't sleep well and haven't for a long time. I have reaccuring nightmares about them making me go back to the service. I am diabete. I have gout. She told me and my wife that she thinks I have PTSD. I told her that I was never in combat and while my service was a nightmare after I got hurt I didn't understand how I could have PTSD. I blame the service for a lot of things. I have never been able to properly exercise after what they did to me. I think that has led to my weight gain and diabetes and most likely my sleep apnea.

I looked up PTSD and I took the little on-line test. I read like a text book case. I was mental abused by my father for most my life. He would do this thing to us kids where he would yell at us for so long our bodies would shut down. It would start with a ringing in the ears. Then our vision would start to go on the outside edges. It was almost like the old time TVs where the channel would go off the air and be all staticy. The ringing would get louder and louder and our vision would get narrower and narrower. Once our vision was gone we passed out. If he stopped before we passed out it could take hours lying in our beds if we could make it that far for our vision and hearing to come back. It happenned to all of us boys. The called it seeing yellow. My freshman year in high school he beat the shit out of me one night because my locker partner left my locker unlocked and someone stole my winter coat and new wrestling shoes. I ran away that night. I went to live with my mother. I had some issues adjusting the first year but was fine after that. I was a B student and out going. I joined the service when I was 20 and actually turned 21 in basic. The abuse they inflict on you in basic training is quite a bit like the abuse my dad inflicted on me. I almost passed out on the mezzanine when all the drill sargeants were swarming around us yelling. I drill sargeant from another platoon harassed me and my life a living hell after I dislocated one of his kids knees in the pugal pits. I got through the same way I got through my childhood. I just somehow locked it away and told myself I could make it and the real army wasn't like this. I hurt my legs at my first and only duty station and they didn't believe I was hurt. The punished me verbally and physically till my legs were permanently damaged and I just could do it anymore. I had learned to survive living with my dad and I used those skills to survive in the military. But they had broke me and changed me. I finally escaped on a medical discharge because my BMI was not in line. I was not the same person getting out that I was going in. I would have panic attacks in places like walmart and the mall. I have had problems working for other people. It has affected my career path. I became self employed because I could hack working an office. The only time my wife is ever scared of me is when I am sleeping. I have had nightmares about them making me go back since I have been out. Those have recently increased since I have been dealing with the VA. I have not been effective at work for the last two weeks since I first visited them. My dad died this summer which I handled well. I had only spoke to him for a one month period in the 25 years. I never had nightmares about him coming to get me. I feel guilty even thinking that I might have PTSD because of all my brothers and sisters that have gone through the horror of combat. But the fact of the matter is I most likely do. I fit about 80-90% of the symptoms. I have struggled with my issues since the military and they now are threatening to overwhelm me and drag me under. I have been very close to checking out in the last few years. I have been hanging on for my wife of 26 years.

The VA took away my rating once and I had to fight them for three years. I believe my PTSD started with my father but I think I was able to overcome it till the military got ahold of me. I believe they undid the progress I made after leaving my father and permanently scarred me. I did not even realize how bad they had changed me and why I was suffering. I know I need help if I am going to fufill my promise that I made to my wife a long time ago. I want to get better. I am of the opinion that the VA is not our friend when it comes to these issues. I plan on refiling my claims for all my medical issues and PTSD. However, I am scared they will blame it all on my father for at least the PTSD and not take responsiblity for their part. Also it will be 20 years next month since I got out. I am just now figuring this all out. I didn't go to the doctor in the military for this. I just survived and got away as quickly as I could. Can you even file a claim that is this old? Any helpful advice would be appreciated.

[john999]

Never mention anything about your father or any outside issues beyond military causes of PTSD. Think about like this: You were fine until the military, and now your are emotionally broken and it is their fault. If you dwell on family matters before or after military the VA will blame your PTSD on those factors and say "less likely than not" that ptsd is service connected. What have you told VA about your father and his abuse (I assume it is abuse) of you? If he beat you every day and twice on Sundays you must bury that to get military based PTSD. Compensation from VBA is not treatment based, but based on documented incidents, injuries or illness from military service.

[Ls6199]

When I went in for my first medical examination with my primary care professional I was so stressed out from everything I just melted down. They rushed me off to MH and put me with a doctor had me fill out a form. She asked me about my parents wife kids. I know I mentioned my dad was a bad person. I just don't remember everything that came out. They schedule me an appointment for the 20th of December. I broke down again after the group meeting that covered the different counseling treatments available. That doctor wants me to come back next Friday to see how I am doing and how I did in group therapy. My primary care professional told me she thinks I have PTSD and that is causing a lot of my other problems IE. Sleep Apnea. I also have memory problems that I have even mentioned. I thought most my health problems stemmed from my leg issues that have just grown. I know that I am currently a wreck. I also know now that I read about PTSD is explains alot of things leading all the way back to the military. I have finally realized they hurt me more than I knew. I know I need help but I am scared and don't trust them.

Thank you for your advice john999. I need to go to my DVA office. They helped me with my original case.

[63SIERRA]

aside from everything else, va, the money, ect, what is very important is that u break the cycle with your kids. you dont realize how much you are like your parents, its learned behavior, and you have to make changes to see changes. If u havent had Gods help in the matters, just ask. God will never fail you. God can take what looks like a hopeless situation and change it in the blink of an eye.

[Philip Rogers]

What are your leg issues from the service?? Did you witness anything while in the service, such as dead bodies, crashes, suicides, physical trauma to anyone, etc.??

pr

[Ls6199]

I was in the Military Police Corp. I worked crashes etc in my workload. However, I was not in combat and did not deal with suicides or dead bodies. I injured my knee in a fall and my chain of command did not believe I was hurt, They force me to continue to run and use my legs till it spread into extreme shin splints they assigned people to run it out of me. They berated me verbally in front of other soldiers that were not only not in my chain of command but were lower rank than me. This happened for a long time till I broke and could take it anymore. I finally told them I would go to sick call every day. When my nurse practitioner told me she thought I was suffering from PTSD her told her that can't be I was never in combat. She thinks my PTSD could come from the emotional and physical abuse inflicted on me during the time my superiors tried to fix me. All I had wanted to be was a cop. They took that away from me physically and mentally. The changed my personality. I do not sleep well and really haven't since that time. I have memory problems. I have problems concentrating. My doctor put me on ADD meds because of my concentration issues. The thing is I have had these problems going back to that time frame. The nurse practitioner is right PTSD explains it all. I feared them then and even though I know they can't get me I still have nightmares that they come get me. I am angry at what they did to me. I had avoided the VA since going through my medical processing for my disability claim. I visited once in the last 19 years for a medical emergency. I finally go down there because of my accident and now I am an emotional wreck. It is hard to put into words what the did and the hopelessness, pain and despair I felt at the time. My best friend from the service tracked me down about four to year years ago looking to reconnect. I had gone through basic, AIT and got stationed with him. I couldn't deal with him and I didn't understand why. I understand now. The thing of it is I believe I would have been fine if they had believed me and gotten me a little help. I was betrayed by those that I had trained to protect and who were suppose to protect me.

[Ls6199]

aside from everything else, va, the money, ect, what is very important is that u break the cycle with your kids. you dont realize how much you are like your parents, its learned behavior, and you have to make changes to see changes. If u havent had Gods help in the matters, just ask. God will never fail you. God can take what looks like a hopeless situation and change it in the blink of an eye.

Thank you. I have tried to break the cycle. I think that maybe God led me back to the VA because I needed to deal with my issues. I have been suffering for a long time without understanding why. This has been quite a shock to my system. I have been very close for several years and am not sure how much longer I could last. Not understanding what is going on and why you feel like you are drowning makes life very difficult. I am so tired of the struggle. I need to hang on for my daughter. I need to figure this out. I think I will take your advice because I need the help right now.